Off track

By Noelle Lynskey

I’m flustered and frazzled

And clearly bedraggled

So sorry to take up your time,

But ye punters of Cheevers

Ye look like nice geezers

Willing to hear my sad rhyme

I feel I’m off track a bit,

Trying to find Ballybrit

You know I’m not such a great navigator

See, my pal, my sat nav

It was sold with the jag,

Oh my God! Where’s my Fascinator?

Oh my heels and my hairdo

Will just have to make do

All snips now reserved for my man

My cheap Dunnes Stores shoes

Were demeaning to choose

But a gal has to do what she can!

When you’ve lost all your bets

Your shares, your regrets

All buried in mortar and stone

My man, Bob had a fit

When the fan felt shit

All we now own is a ten storey loan

Such turning and twisting

With nodding and winking

And Bob jockey for so many girls.

So I ran at it hard

With my Platinum card

Arnotts credit right up to my pearls

Here I am at fifty,

Not taking the M50

With no dosh for the toll, it’s too bad

I’ve driven this far

In a secondhand car

How I miss my old helipad!

So it’s time to embrace it,

I’m done with the races

And Craughwell could be my new ground

Ride from now on by train

Be no nag e’er again,

Give a cheer - and I might hang around