Oh to be Ryan Tubridy 400 grand a year
He only has to turn aside and he can disappear
Girlfriend’s barely 28 and ex Rose of Tralee
So forgive me if he gives me chronic manic disability
On well-established principle, a loser always loses
And a winner is determined by the company he schmooses
He’s been on a payroll since he was only 12
He’s Ireland’s richest, tallest, thinnest, lucky effing elf
Now poo ol’ Jonathan Woff iv goin acwoff the fee
And ITV all becov of the mean ol BBFee
While evwybodyv pwayin he changev hiv mind and stayv
And the BBFee change theywv and give the man the waive.